Comments on: Why do women stay with brutes?

By: Leslie

Leslie — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 18:28:18 +0000

In my case, I discovered that my husband had a mental illness that cause his highs and lows. I truly loved him and believed in the marriage vows. But I must admit that he was able to twist things around so I felt some things were my fault. Also, in those days, like you say about “Pat” women couldn’t get a credit card in their own name and there was also the shame of divorce. Finally, when I realised that he was taking us all down with him, I had to take a stand for my children’s sake. I think most readers know the result. In his case, it was a terrible sickness that drove him to behave the way he did – there were cycles of around 2 years of ups and downs. He was so intelligent, funny, and loving when he was well but that sickness was hell. I also know that his mother could have had a great deal to do with the way he turned out – not that she gave him the illness, but with his propensity towards it, she certainly drove him to become worse.

By: Michael Manning

Michael Manning — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:02:44 +0000

Women find themselves caught between emotional and economic dependency here in the USA. Sad.

By: jmb

jmb — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 07:08:04 +0000

I have never understood it myself. But then some women do not have a lot of self esteem for various reasons and somehow think they do not deserve better. He certainly is a piece of work and not at all deserving of a good woman.

By: Jean-Luc Picard

Jean-Luc Picard — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:14:19 +0000

Women sometimes think it is their fault, and don’t accept it’s his.

By: Philipa

Philipa — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:08:45 +0000

Makes sense to me Cherry Pie (love the name)

What social reaction do you think Pat would have had if she’d kept a child and left her husband? I think that could have been a fear/factor too.

In 1972, when, spurning his wife, Naipaul found his masochistic mistress, Pat couldn’t have gained credit or a lease agreement on her own, she would have needed a man to go guarantor for her. She had already gone against her family in marrying this bully and probably had no real support outside the marriage. Well thank God that is no longer the case and women can leave. And well done Ellee in highlighting this issue (and soz for the long comment) and much respect to Trubes and anne for commenting about their experiences.

By: anne

anne — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:41:02 +0000

I agree with Diane – merseyside…I have been there, and it took me a while to leave…but did thank goodness.

But why would someone want to marry someone like that…I think they were both sick…I mean to be humilated and beaten, for years and years and still want to marry him…don’t understand it.

By: CherryPie

CherryPie — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:46:42 +0000

Those sort of men end up making women feel it is there fault, So that is why they stay. They just need to be able to step away from it and realise that it is the man who is a fault, which can be difficult to do because they are so close to the problem.

I hope that makes sense…

By: Ellee

Ellee — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:09:44 +0000

Hi Trubes, I’m so glad you had the strength to walk away and start a new life. I agree with you about Leslie’s blog, and heartened by the fact that it provided you with a platform for you open up your heart. Well done you.

By: Diane .Merseyside

Diane .Merseyside — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:59:02 +0000

P.S.Ellee.
I am actually Trubes. I see my name has come up and not my pseudonym, doesn`t matter, just thought I`d let you know, will try to alter it.

By: Diane .Merseyside

Diane .Merseyside — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:54:40 +0000

Ellee:
I totally agree with all the comments here. The man was truly a brute.
I endured an abusive relationship with a bullying husband, but thankfully bailed out, after a few years.
Like many women I had the misguided view, that, we should stay together because of the children.
I got out and have never looked back.
The Pedalogue (Leslie) has an interesting slant on this subject and it makes interesting reading. I love her stuff, she`s an inspiring writer.
It compelled me to open up my heart on her Blog about my former relationship. I can tell you it was a cleansing and theraputic experience!

So well done you ‘girls’ for raising this subject.
Excellent work.

Di.xx