The Ice Breaker
Looking forward, not back
Mr Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and most welcome guests,
I’m going to take you on a journey back in time. My story begins even before my conception, back in the 1940s in war torn Greece. Greece was ravaged by a civil war as well as the second world war, more Greeks killed Greeks than Germans. An English soldier was stationed in Thessoloniki called Wilfred William Moules. One day he met a beautiful Greek girl only 16 years old called Lelouda Tatiana Juvela. They fell in love, despite the language barrier and strict chaperoning, they married and settled in a Fenland town called Wisbech.
As you have probably guessed, they were my parents. Just like their names sound so different, so too was their character, my father very shy and my mother very outgoing. I believe these genes I inherited from them have formed my character, as you would expect. I share my father’s shyness at times, his lack of confidence with public speaking, but I am also very outgoing and sociable like my mother.
They had four children and I am the youngest of twins, born in the middle of an elder brother and younger sister.
I am now going to fast-track you forward to a businesswomen’s meeting in Cambridge 3 years ago when I was invited to speak about my work as a freelance press officer. I had had advance notice of this and prepared in writing what I was going to say.
When my turn came, I read verbatim from my notes. I could myself freezing to the spot, turning beetroot red, I could feel my body trembling and my words sounded forced. I felt such a failure, especially as others followed in my footsteps and spoke fluently with no notes, just straight off the cuff.
One of the members contacted me afterwards, I remember her exact words, how lovely I looked, how talented I was, but how I had not done myself justice. She offered to coach me, and I took her up on this, at £70 an hour.
She believed the problem lay in the fact that I was the middle of four children who had never had to assert herself, as well as the genes I inherited. Her advice was to be prepared and practise, and this is what we did. If only she had mentioned Toastmasters.
That recommendation came from Toastmaster Chrissie who I bumped into in Cambridge at the end of last year. We have known each other for more than 20 years, but lost touch. I later told her about my fear of public speaking and she brought me along to the January meeting.
I must admit I found it terrifying. On the day the second meeting was due to be held, I had attended a business goal setting seminar and listed public speaking as my priority. We had to fix a date when we were going to start. I was thinking of making an excuse not to come along that evening through sheer dread and nerves. But I decided that that was the day that my life was going to change, I was going to be serious about it. So I came along and am delighted and really proud that I have now joined.
I know I am not alone with my fear. Paul McKenna’s book says that public speaking is the biggest fear that people have. His advice is excellent. He has three recommendations:
Number 1: Manage your state
Number 2: Know your content
Number 3: Speak with passion
As you know, my husband Stephen is a very confident speaker and cannot understand my difficulties because it is his strength. However, he struggles with dancing the salsa and won’t go to classes any more. He has given up. I love dancing salsa, I don’t find it difficult.
But I don’t want to give up what I know is my weakness. I very much want to succeed. I’ve even taken this one further step by having hypnotherapy with one of my clients who runs a business called Winning Minds. He planted lots of positive thoughts into my mind and I do feel this has helped.
So to summarise, regardless of my genes, and which number child I am in my family, I have taken positive action to become an accomplished and confident speaker. I’m looking forward, not back…
Madam Toastmaster….
27th June, 2006
