I have written a guest post for the erudite Tom Paine on my fear of public speaking and how I am conquering it. You can read it here.
It will be interesting to hear your advice about this, and whether you have any fears which you have overcome, and how.
Some things we ought to be fearful of but these are few.
Most fears are born of our own thoughts. When we realise that it is our own thinking that is hurting us then the fear magically dissipates.
Thinking is not necessarily reality and this is what you need to remind yourself constantly.
Recommended reading to ease anxiety/depression:
Stop Thinking Start Living (Dr Richard Carlson)
http://www.anxietyculture.com (left-wing but v.good and highly amusing – sometimes profane, be warned)
E-K, Thanks for the tips, as you say, it’s all in ur mind, which is why the hypnotherapy helped me so much.
In fact, if it had not been for my fear of public speaking, I would never have started bloggiing. I would never have joined Cambridge Speakers Club which is where I met Blogger Geoff and within 2 weeks he set me up with my own blog. I owe all this to him and, indirectly, the fear I had.
Congrats on holding the spider (I do hope that it’s recovered from the ordeal).
Fear of things that can really hurt us simply cannot be overcome with practice. This is called ‘courage’ and is why they award medals.
The first time I spoke in “public” was when I was a Y.C. in Colchester and took part in a public speaking competition. There was no hope of winning, as there were several more experienced speakers at the time but nevertheless my friend and I were encouraged to take part “for experience”. We were limited to a couple of minutes or so but in the middle mind went utterly blank and I felt such a fool and resolved never to let it happen again.
As a lecturer (to small tutorial groups up to large international conferences) I have always had a “back-up” plan if my mind goes blank – just a few words to buy those precious moments to regain your composure. Armed with this, I found it gave me that extra bit of confidence so after that it rarely happened.
I must say I enjoy public speaking to audiences of any size provided that I feel thoroughly prepared. I am hopeless in a situation where you get “Jim, will you say a few words” and I dread those situations where you are asked to speak for a minute on a random subject.
I think being confident in your preparation is the key to everything.
Jim, Being prepared is a major part of successful public speaking, I like your advice about having a few “back up” words to hand.
And EK, We are talking about a giant, maneating tarantula – not that I am given to exaggeration!
Oddly enough Ellee, one of the few things I’m not afraid of is public speaking – I love it. Nothing like having an audience in the palm of your hand! On a topic I particularly enjoy I can ramble for an hour or so without notes.
I suppose I’m most afraid of flying. But now I have a failsafe “ethical” objection too, so it would in fact be wrong of me to attempt to conquer this fear.
I still love flying. I resist the temptation to read up on the science of it, because I don’t want to lose the magic. Unfortunately, I hate airports so must keep working towards that all-important private jet.
Water – both being in it (swimming) and on it (small boats).
I haven’t got over it.
One of the best NLP techniques I have found is learning to ridicule the irrational fears that you may have. Once you realise how stupid they are, and how you came to form them in the first place, they become less of a heavy anchor.
Plus, practise improves anything. Lumber your family with repeated lectures until you get it right 🙂
I have never quite understood the fear of public speaking- but that is because I am a vain attention seeking person, who can think of nothing more pleasurable than being the centre of attention for a large group of people. Then again, I was trained from an early age, reading in church as a child.
Learn to love the attention, Ellee, learn to milk the crowd.
My fears? Walking up hills, going bald, hospitals. Don’t know how to conquer either of them.
I remember in the sixth form we were in an interschools debating contest on freedom of the press. We were the only state school taking part, so there was an element of class competitiveness. I was waxing lyrical about the role of freedom of the press in bringing about the fall of communism when this lad from Warwick School rose on a point of order, saying ‘Communism still exists in China and Cuba, so to say that the freedom of the press beat Communism is going too far (Guffaw, guffaw)’
Obviously, I wasn’t overprepared for this, but I managed to string together some off the cuff response about putting the image of the flame of freedom in the minds of the subjagated or some such, and it worked, because the audience clapped. What I do remember us that when I had responded, I hammered at home by saying’you accept that?’ and then under my breath but clearly audible to most of the hall except the judges; ‘You pompous public school p***k’.
The gallery loved it.
We didn’t win.
But we came second out of six schools and I felt a hero that day.
I have never quite understood the fear of public speaking- but that is because I am a vain attention seeking person,
Same here I love being the centre of attention. I fear ill health and have suffered with a variety of anxiety related problems for years . In as much as I have conquered them it has been through doing relaxation exercises with tapes. There is nothing dreadful about being shy though . I wish more people were and less people brayed in a needy way( like me )
Hi Elle, sounds like you’ve got a sharp mind and could probably write a press release or a novel at the drop of a hat.
But have you tried reading aloud
I mean considering how easy it is for those who surround you your husband and some of those MEPs, and if you’ve had hypnotherapy with Mark from Winning Minds and joined Cambridge Speakers Club, there’s probably little I can add.
But I’m guessing whilst you have no problem writing speaches and reports, or socialising and making small talk – you rarely if ever read aloud what you write.
Yep, just read an article out aloud (in full) from the daily paper to your husband, your work colleagues or whoever your immediate audience may be.
Pick short ones so as not to ‘bore’ them, but then ocassionally pick a longer one and read it out aloud to yourself (in front of a mirror if you like) say 5-10 minutes long.
Remember once you’ve broken the ice, thw words like water start to flow, after the first few words on the first page, you could and talk a whole bookfull.
I know no fear and hence have No fears
But alas I do have to deal with people at all levels, and their sometimes bizarre perceptions and/or insecurities. The more authority insecure people ‘secure’ the more bizarre they behave in a hierarchy.
Oddly enough a truly confident will never feel they have to impose their authority or belittle others. It is the measure of both Man & Woman, how they respond to others sharper and richer, slower or poorer, or with more or less authority
Great post, Ellee and I’m full of admiration at your holding the tarantula. I could never do that and would rather face anything than a spider! As an ex-teacher, I’m not afraid of speaking to a crowd but I am scared of mathematics and anything to do with money. I make myself face it now, but only when I have to. I suppose one of my fears before making my move here was that of “leaving my comfort zone” ; I’m very much a homebody and it was daunting. Then I thought, “Hell, am I a gambler’s daughter or not?” and I did it but it was very, very hard.
Hi Ellee – sorry to point oiut that you seem to have a higher hit-rate than Ms Smack.
This says a lot for the English Rose and kinda restores my faith in our nationalistic identity.
It’s definitely ‘live an’ kickin’
As always a lovely post Ellee. It may not seem like it fromm the comments posted here, but public speaking is meant to be the most feared thing. I hope you are having a good weekend with your family. All the very best. Michelle
Ellee, someone made a good point about it being probable you could write a novel at a drop of a hat.
Exactly, and you run this blog- brilliantly,it should be added.
I have been six years on my novel and am no further than chapter six. As for my blogspot I have only ever written three (unread) posts.
You’re probably doing far more, and more to the point far more useful things than most people.
You’ll crack the public speaking- my gut instinct tells me.
You go girl!
Ellee, I do alot of public speaking myself and I still get nervous. I agree with previous comments about preparation. I tend to pick 4 focal points in the room. They dont necessarily have to be people but even a picture frame, or chair will help. I also like to bring a support person that I can focus on during the speech.
Kevin – my hits and Ellee’s hits are not related to this topic and honestly, something that is not a concern to me at all. I honestly don’t know why you mentioned it…
Ellee, I enjoy reading your blog. Thanks!
Ahem.. “unacustomed as I am to public speaking I would like to say a few words…”
Seriously. As a full time auctioneer and singer, I do not have a fear of any audience.
I can remember being asked to MC an Opera evening. The Aus opera were performing but the MC got a sore throat.
I had to sing 2 arias, a duet and a chorus..as well as introduce the people, items, tell funny jokes, relax the audience and be sure that I had everything right.
i was exhausted.. Apart from getting Prostrate and Prostate wrong ( which made all the old guys laugh… It went off with out hitch.
Jim is correct. preparation, some light jokes ( that you know), that suit your audience.
eg I use this one for weddings “I have a soft spot for my mother inlaw… a swamp…” May work if you know the mother inlaw, but not appropriate if she had just passed away.. for example…
Never look at people in the eye look above the audience and direct your speach across the room ie left to right…..=scan over the top… that way they feel included. I find that by not letting the eyes get a focus means you can make the audience think you are looking at them when in fact you are not…
Hope that Helps ellleee!
Yeah. I wish I hadn’t mentioned Ms Smack. She’s very good actually…
> Never look at people in the eye look above the audience and direct your speach across the room
Absolutely agree with that for a large audience or lecture Simon, but prefer the eye contact in smaller groups, e.g. tutorials.
Thanks for the tips Q9 and Simon, you all sound very confident.
And thanks also to Ms Smack, very pleased you like my blog and I totally agree with your comment about hits.
I disagree about never looking people in the eye. I think it’s quite important. I always look at the start for a few rassuring faces, ideally one to the left of your vision, one to the right and one to the centre, I keep switching eye contect from one to the other, which gives the illusion of engaging with your audience. It allows you to emote them better.
The only way to do the thing you fear the most,is to do the thing you fear the most!
(This is true in most cases. I don’t include pointless machismo like parachute-jumping, unless your in the forces, extreme runs like the Marathon des Sables or cycling to China)