My father died five years ago and this is the headstone which 
has been made for him and was finally laid last Friday. It is made from red granite and is adorned with hand carved love hearts and angels. It was chosen by my mother and sister Rosalind, whose own home is decorated with hearts, roses and cupids. It is certainly one of the most elaborate new headstones in the graveyard.
In fact, this graveyard in Wisbech, which I visited at the weekend, is lined by a row of council houses, and is destined to be my final resting place. It is the rougher end of town and not the most picturesque of locations, unlike other graveyards I have seen, overlooking rolling fields and meadows.
But after my father died, my mother and sister bought five adjoining plots in the cemetery for myself, presumably, and my two brothers. My final destiny has been decided for me.
When I visit the cemetery and see how many gravestones are woefully neglected, it makes me feel that cremation is the best option, and less hassle for those left behind.
What always staggers me is the number of young neighbours dad has, those killed tragically in road accidents or by cancer, as well as alcoholism. There is even a gypsy king nearby.
One thing is for sure, you have no say in who your neighbours will be when your body is committed to the ground. And, as my mother always points out, you cannot take your possessions with you, so what is the point in buying them. My father was addicted to auctions and spent a small fortune on buying all sorts of oddities, including a crocodile skin which my mother insisted he removed from the dining room wall – else she would go. It was not a hard choice for dad to make.
As he didn’t drink or smoke, my mother always indulged him. One of his final outings before he died from cancer of the bowel was to a village auction in Norfolk. He was doubled up in pain, and barely able to nod his head, but he loved them till the end.
I naturally hope it will be many years before I am laid to rest. I discussed this once with my son James and he said he would like to have a souvenir of me – my nose, of all things. Don’t you just love the things kids say…
If it is sooner rather than later, I am hoping he will find the courage to sing The Letter from the West End musical Billy Elliot, written by Billy’s deceased mother who writes a letter telling Billy how proud she is of him. It’s a real tear jerker. Needless to say, my little thespian son has a great voice and knows the whole show off by heart as he has sung it many, many times. We often play the cd in the car together.
Without wishing to sound morbid, my other funereal musical selections are Ava Maria, which always brings a lump to my throat, and Dancing Queen by Abba, because of the sheer joy I feel when I hear it. What a Wonderful World, by Louis Armstrong, would also be another favourite.
Am I alone in thinking this through, or have you thought that far ahead too?
I have written in my will that my ashes should be scattered in Yell Sound (in Shetland where I did my 30 years of ornithological research on seabirds) and I have asked for Tchaikovsky’s Andante cantabile (String Quartet in D) to be played at what ever service they deem appropriate.
On my list of jobs to do… I am going to get my funeral paid for so its one less thing for my boys to worry about should I die.
Found this video of you singing your funeral tune http://www.youtube.com/v/b2vlAcOk2nU
Maalie, that is a beautiful piece of music. The adagio from Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto would be another choice, but I don’t think funerals last long enough for all these ensembles to be played.
Sally, yes, that is an excellent idea too.
Geoff, I had forgotten all about this, you do have a good memory.
shame I cannot get the youtube Video to work… would have loved to hear Ellee singing 🙂
No I haven’t thought that far ahead but Louis Armstrong is always a great one.
I fancy ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’, courtesy of Monty Python..
It’s a beautiful memorial, the choice of music is not morbid, it has been selected with care. I also have done this and my place is reserved under a rose bush and the two major hymns are Come Thou Almighty King and Abide with Me.
Well done, Ellee, for posting on this.
I would love a viking ship burial – though I imagine funeral pyres will be banned soon on environmental grounds! Not sure about music but I would like a reading from The Song of the Open Road by Walt Whitman.
My song would have to be SMILE by Nat king cole
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, youll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
Youll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
Thats the time you must keep on trying
Smile, whats the use of crying?
Youll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile
People that know me will know why
Mutley, you are a jovial chap.
James, I can tell you are a traditionalist.
Sheila, WOW, how magnificent!
Sally, yes a real tear jerker, we’ve all been there.
I have to laugh because I wrote a post about funerals once. I’m at the age where it is more pertinent and I want a power point presentation with photos and music at my funeral. I said I thought about preparing it myself now, since I’m a control freak. I want Amazing Grace on the bagpipes played by a friend’s son. Still working on the rest.
Awwww !
I don’t want to think about you going just yet, Ellee.
Lovely to hear you.
I think about death every day since turning 40, if not my own then someone else’s.
Time seems to be zipping along.
Well done for facing up to it. I don’t know what will happen to me – but I won’t be around to worry about it.
It is something I think about a lot, especially since my sister passed away this year. I suppose I should put something in place so my family don;t have to worry.
My mum has said she wants Cliff Richard’s “Summer Holiday” played as the curtains close over the coffin in the crematorium.
Personally I love the idea of the finale of Les Miserables.
“We will live again in freedom in the garden of the Lord…”