My son David isn’t speaking to me. You couldn’t meet a more 
easy going and placid 17-year-old. But suddenly, with L plates on the car, he has become a different person. The power under the car bonnet has clearly gone to his head.
He regards me as simply a “mum”. The fact that I am an Advanced Motorist counts for nothing. He ignores everything I say when he is behind the wheel.
He has an aversion to using the handbrake when we are stationary, he likes to coast along in third gear all the time instead of using second. He barely looks left or right at junctions as he says he has the right of way. And I was forced to pull up the handbrake this evening when he tried to overtake a car at 50 mph in a 30 mph limit.
When we arrived home, he ripped up the L plates. He has his theory test next week.
His dinner sits on the table, stone cold. And it’s one of his favourites.
He says he hates me, will he speak to me again? I’m calm, why isn’t he?
Sorry about that Ellee. Hopefully he will change again when he gets used to it.
Boys that age just have a way about them. A mother doesn’t like to hear this but his musk is pure lust, anger, and arrogance. And what’s more, he’s probably right about everything.
Perhaps he is angry with you for being better than him and embarassed that he had to be ‘rescued’ by his mother, whatever, he’s being rude by not speaking to you and eating the food you spent time and loving effort preparing for him. Ground him until he finds some manners!
He’s not right about everything and if you don’t clamp right down on this attitude he could kill himself and someone else with that arrogance behind the wheel.
Ellee
It’s impossible to act as a driving instructor as well as parent…
A driving instructor doesn’t have to worry about silent dinner times with uneaten food; he/she just tells your child how to drive and that’s what your son needs – instruction without emotion!
This is exactly why i do not let Andrew drive my car…. I am his mum not his driving instructor.
Just a shame he has now lost his job and everything is on hold until he can find a new job 🙁
I never learnt to drive, Ellee, so can’t help you here!
I’m so glad that I’m not in this stage of life. My husband taught both of ours to drive thank goodness as he has more patience than me.
Send him to driving school! Worth every penny I should think and the instructor won’t let him get away with a single thing.
I sent my eldest to driving school but also took her out on the road. She stalled at a major intersection but the drivers behind us were very patient. I was getting nervous and ready to hop out and redirect the cars around my daughter, but she finally got it going. My youngest was a terrible driver at first but she is much better now. Neither of them were that rude to me about their driving, but we certainly had our teen moments of “I hate you!” It will pass, though, and you’ll look back at this one day and realise that you made it through. It’s a phase – a nasty one surely – but a phase.
Thanks Leslie, David does have lessons with a driving school too. He is a good driver, but over confident. Of course, I don’t believe he hates me. I’m hoping to be able to take him out again and work on his shortcomings.
Gee, a teenage boy overconfident? Imagine.
Ellee, somehow my wife conned me into being the parent who drives with the student driver four times now. And Youngest Son just turned 15 and is probably going to take Driver’s Ed this Summer. (Here we go again!)
So you have my sympathies. (And your husband has my admiration! How did he get you to do this?)
Curmudgeon, my husband works away and it makes sense for David to drive from the village to the railway station and back each day. He also offers to collect his younger brother from school. He’s ok on the whole, just needs to calm down a little, I don’t want him to be a boy racer.
Reminds me of the one and only time my mother took me for driving lession in an old Truimph Dolimite (1990). Had a huge row as she ‘nagged’ like mad and kept pressing the invisible brake pedal on the passenger side, she thought she was being reasonable.
I had two options either carry on in car I wasn’t happy with (dodgy second gear). Had mum put the handbrake on, I’m not sure that I would be speaking to her even now! or I had a second option, never take a lesson in between my instructor based lesson. I chose the latter as I was much happier with the instructor’s ford fiesta which had power steering. It took me at least twice as long as all my friends to pass my test, and obviously cost twice as much, but we had no rows.
My suggestion is to give your son a week to decide if he is more comfortable to go with option one or two. There is no right or wrong option, but if he is old enough to drive he can make that choice.
Its must be a bit like a husband teaching his wife, or vice versa..they always fall out..
Irrespective of learning to drive, I failed miserably in the mother-of-17yr-old-son stakes with on No2. We were at war the whole time from 15 to 17 when he left home, devastating me. He was then the 18yr old who came home one weekend, took one look at me ad said: Mother, a word. We departed to a separate room where we both collapsed into tears as he told me what I already knew – I had to leave his father in order to have any chance of a happier life.
He was right. I did, moving to a flat on my own despite having MS. I am now remarried very happily indeed. And I have a 24yr old Son No2 who visits us regularly and whom I simply adore. I never stopped loving him but I certainly loathed him at times! My sympathies, Ellee.
Shirl, what a terrible experience, and I’m so glad you found renewed happiness. The good news is that David and I have made up.
James,
I don’t think David has given up on me entirely, I hope he doesn’t consider me the mother from hell.
Shirl – thank God you listened to your son, some mothers don’t; it takes courage to leave a marriage – I’m so pleased it worked out for you and yours and wish you and your babies the best of happiness.
lol Elle, he’s seventeen
at seventeen there’s many things one would die for
Those who are longer in the tooth, are those who have done most if not all the things they were be prepared to die for when younger – and survived.
Well, after reading these posts I feel very lucky for once! Richard and I have ‘had our moments’ but not while teaching him to drive because I left that to his instructor-I did however, take him out for loads of PRACTICE which is different (The RAC publish an excellent book for those accompanying learner drivers!). Also he’d spent a year as a motorcyclist before getting into a car which is a great way to learn road sense.
David has put some new L plates on my desk, but unfortunately, my car is in the garage with starting problems. He has his theory test tomorrow.
Tina, that book sounds a great idea, do you still have a copy? I wonder if I could borrow it. (Tina lives next door). Obviously David is practicing with me too, but I still feel I have to steer him in the right direction (excuse the pun) if I feel he is doing something wrong.
Perhaps 17 is too young for some lads to be driving. Ignoring the voice of experience and reason is not a good habit. I know that train drivers are not allowed to drive until 21 years of age probably because they are on their own at work. Airline pilots are allowed in their teens – perhaps because they are supervised by a captain.
I think the age should be raised for driving and this treatment seems to be mightily unfair on you, Ellee.
Let him know that class 1 police persuit drivers (the very best at road craft) are deselected at the slightest hint of attitude. I don’t think many of my erstwhile colleagues would have been impressed by this.
I see this quite a lot in young men, unfortunately think that they are already great drivers and forget that the road is a very dangerous place especially for new drivers. His attitude is probably a lot different when he is on his lessons so I would suggest having a chat with his driving instructor about his attitude towards driving when he is with you. Consider putting your son through a pass plus and motorway driving course also.
[…] No more L plates By Ellee David can now throw out his L plates having passed his driving test today. I was thrilled for him because I felt he deserved to pass, that he was both confident and considerate on the road. […]