The shocking Dispatches report last night on the funeral business, Undercover Undertaker, should have included Wendii Miller’s story  who could have provided much needed advice for families.

Wendii arranged her own mother’s burial, collecting her body from a hospital mortuary, which I wrote about here, and even dug the grave herself. Her unorthodox actions attracted much support. She refused to have anything to do with undertakers, and says legally, we don’t need them. She is disappointed that at no time did Dispatches mention, or even hint, of alternatives, thus reinforcing the view that funeral directors are a legal necessity.

These is Wendii’s review of Undercover Undertaker:

Who got stitched up last night by Dispatches in their otherwise good undercover filming of the rack’em and stack’em ethos of Britain’s largest Funeral Directors? Well, it was anyone with a flicker of an idea of that they might be able to go for a DIY burial. That flicker, ever fragile, might’ve puffed right out there and then.

Dispatches is guilty of a grievous error.

Now forgive me if the wording isn’t exact, and if Channel 4 wishes to correct me, fine, but wasn’t the opening line of the reporter, Jackie Long, “If anything is guaranteed in life, it’s that one day we’ll all require the services of a funeral director.”

Witty, yes, and an appropriate start to their exposé of dodgy doings in the funeral industry, but they have neatly dropped themselves into a trap, and flushed the hopes of fledgling DIY enthusiasts down the funereal toilet.

Please, Channel 4, let people know that English law states very clearly that if anything is guaranteed in life, it’s that one day we will NOT all require the services of a Funeral Director. English Law does NOT require us to use a funeral director, or undertaker, or coffin, or hearse.

Let’s make this very plain, all you need is a bit of green paper called a Certificate for Burial, and a spade. Transport can be your old Morris Minor, the body in nothing more than Manchester United strip, and the ceremony can be a bloody good BBQ as you bury grandad under the petunias. At no stage do you have to use the funeral industry. If you want to hire them in, and pay their prices… well that’s a different matter.

Am I making light of grief and death? Possibly. But what I am, ever since I took my spade and dug mother in myself, is angry. Angry at the misleading information pumped out by just about everyone, and now by Dispatches. These misleading statements reinforce the mythology, and cut us off from having a choice, because we believe what we read, or hear on the telly, and we think we do not have one.

I’m going to focus on what, in my opinion, is the key issue: the wording the authorities use with reference to that bit of green paper. That bit of paper, which the registrar gives you when you register the death, allows you to bury your dead. Literally. If you want to do a DIY burial, hold on tight to that bit of paper; do not give it to an undertaker. It goes to the landowner where you are going to bury your loved one. You need the landowner’s permission, of course, but if it’s your land or garden then you don’t even have to ask!

If you wish you can even DIY in a Church of England graveyard, providing you live in the parish and there is room, of course. You have the right to dispense with the services of the vicar too and have a non-religious or Jewish or Muslim send-off. It’s the one exception under law to the ‘give the green form to the landowner’ rule. Having got rid of the vicar, there is no-one to give it to so you sign it yourself. As that meerkat would say, “Simple!”

Why am I labouring “the green form goes to the landowner” point? Well, because of this:

Ten minutes after my mother died, in my arms, I was given this information by the hospital; “It is important to contact a funeral director as soon as possible” And “the green form should be handed to the funeral director.” (NHS booklet).

On checking the Ministry of Justice website, which puts you through to the DWP What to do after a death, you are told exactly what to do with the green form: “You should take this to the funeral director so that the funeral can be held.”

I tried a council advice site, and a dozen so-called independent sites, and they all said to take my bit of green paper to an undertaker.

Reeling with confusion, after all, I wasn’t going anywhere near the funeral industry, I tried the Citizens Advice Bureau for reassurance I was, actually, right, and could DIY, but I struck: “the registrar will give you a green certificate to give to the funeral director. This allows burial to go ahead.”

By now you probably are totally convinced that your green bit of paper goes to a funeral director, and most folk have the very strong impression that unless they hand it to a funeral director they will not be allowed to bury their loved one. Therefore a funeral director they must have. Try it! Give the information to a dozen people and see how many think they have to go through the funeral industry. I’ll tell you: chances are all of them. It’s only rarely that you strike someone who knows it’s absolute hogwash.

This assumption you will use an undertaker, and the wording that denies you knowledge of a choice, is downright wicked. Vulnerable grieving people are often forced into a ‘distress purchase’ of coffins and services they never wanted. Forced? Yes, forced. Ask around, see how some people have been misled. Or wait till someone you love dies, and get a feel for the system yourself.

NO, NO, NO. That bit of green paper goes to the landowner, which might be you. If you wish to hire an undertaker, then, sure, they can deal with it. If it’s your choice.

I would suggest some legal expert with a few teeth sinks them into the people responsible for this misinformation. Perhaps it might be suggested that the authorities and the funeral industry, who I can only assume operate a cartel in collusion with the government, had a look at the law, or simply glanced at the burial certificate itself. It clearly states that it is to go to the landowner. Well, actually it is about as clear as a thick guano deposit so a little plain English wouldn’t go amiss. But that’s what the legalese boils down to.

And the people who do NOT get a mention on burial certificates are undertakers and funeral directors. They are merely the hired help, should you wish to buy in their services.

To sum up? If you want to know exactly what happens to your loved one, try DIY. My blood may have boiled at the way Dispatches reinforced the myth, but they did a splendid undercover job, and exposed bad practice at one of our best known and most trusted funeral directors.

Makes you wonder what goes on at the rest of ’em.

*Do look out for Wendii on BBC Breakfast tomorrow morning when funeral directors and the Dispatch report will be debated. Wendii was filmed at her Cambridge home for the programme talking about her mother’s burial which she recorded on video.