So men should not marry career women if they want to have a successful and happy life, they should stick to someone who has no desires other than pampering her man, dusting the house and doing the school run.
This advice has propelled Michael Noer, news editor of Forbes.com, one of the world’s leading business magazine groups, into notoriety and condemnation after his controversial comments sparked outrage on both sides of the continent.
It made me wonder how many MPs have happy marriages, how do they maintain a close family life, especially if their spouse/partner has a demanding career too. The Blairs seem to manage ok as a family, though of course no-one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Does Noer’s advice work the other way too for women with demanding careers? Should women marry domesticated men who can multi-task?
Here is what Noer said:
“Guys: A word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don’t marry a woman with a career.
“Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women–even those with a “feminist” outlook–are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.
“Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well-educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure…at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?”
It is clearly ridiculous to make sweeping statements as each marriage is personal and what works for one couple will not work for another, it is based on their personalities and their needs. Is the male ego really so fragile? And if a woman is happy with being a trophy wife, then surely that’s her decision.
But I fail to see why a couple cannot have successful careers and a happy and fulfilled marriage as long as they both maintain their values, keep their feet firmly on the ground, continue to show kindness and consideration to each other and do not become self-centred and egotistical. If a couple continue to spend enjoyable time together and communicate, then I do not believe having a successful career is a threat. Keeping a sense of humour and having a good laugh is essential too.
In theory, that’s how it should be, though I appreciate reality involves stress and lack of quality time for each other. But these difficulties can be overcome if you both want them to.
Within hours of posting the piece on its website, Forbes was inundated with complaints and forced to withdraw it. It also led fellow Forbes writer Elizabeth Corcoran to retaliate.
In her piece, entitled “Don’t Marry A Lazy Man”, Corcoran, a “career woman” with two children and a husband of 18 years, described her colleague’s opinions as “downright frightening”.
Has Noer been watching too many episodes of Stepford Wives?
It is statistically true that marriages where the women earns more than the man are more likely to fail. In a society in which professional standing and earning power equate to high status perhaps this isn’t that surprising. Also, most men like the idea of being depended upon to some extent or at least looked up to by their woman. Old-fashioned, maybe – but I don’t see much change in my generation. Although it is a bit depressing, his advice may be valuable.
That’s advice that’s as useful as saying to Romeo “Don’t Marry a Capulet”. As though we actually have the power to overrule our hearts with our heads.
I’m also in favour of pre-nuptials, so maybe unromantically, I’m one of those who looks at hard facts.
I bet Macca wishes he had had a pre-nuptial agreement. I can understand why some men want them, but I could not agree to one, I would want someone to trust me implicitly.