With The Times today asking: “Where have all the men gone?”, I asked Liza Moore, who runs an introductions agency in Cambridge, Tempting Fate, (a former PR client), to describe today’s dating scene, what men and women are looking for, and how they can find their soul mate. This is what she said - and some of her members have walked up the aisle - l hope it helps in the run-up to Valentine’s Day:
With over 7 million people in Britain now living on their own, the singles population is the largest it’s ever been. It’s become more difficult to meet suitable singles in Britain in the last few years for various reasons.
The number one problem is where do you go to meet them? There are the conventional ways such as through work - however, more and more people are working from home nowadays and in much smaller companies where there just isn’t the choice.
Blind dates via friends used to be a way in the past to meet some new people, but even friends are finding it increasingly difficult to get some sort of match.
Where are all those singles? Well of course, many think that by leaving it to chance, they’ll meet someone sooner or later. Correction it’ll be later or never if singles adopt this attitude. One of the secrets behind meeting new people is to GET OUT THERE. If you’re sitting at home, then it’s obvious you won’t meet anyone.
However, I say to singles now, that in fact there’s nowhere but everywhere to meet that special person. I know someone who tripped over in the street and was rescued by a passer by and a year later they were married. Fate, luck, chance? Well if she wasn’t out there she wouldn’t have tripped!
The younger singles are trying the internet but with little success, judging from those I’ve spoken to. People are finding more and more married people on line lying about their circumstances - don’t forget no one checks anyone out on the internet and you can pretend you’re anyone you like to be. That’s why it’s so dangerous. There’s plenty of conmen, (and women come to that) and many sinister people online. If you’ve ever had a peek at some of the well known sites where you can access free certain matches for your age group and area, you may think you’ve just clicked on the mug shots of the local prison. Many look that grim. Many of course lie about their age and post photos of themselves 10 years younger, as well as 3 stone lighter as well.
One of my members told me the awful trick that one played on her by pretending to be a 6′3″ ex-rugby player now with his own business and on the photo looked very handsome. When she finally agreed to meet after emailing over a 3 month period, she found that in fact the man that tapped her on the shoulder was 5′3″ and worked for a supermarket and had just put a picture of his friend and adapted the truth as a joke. Some joke. Just putting your photo out there to the universe is scary too I think.
Speed dating is another singles event which is now being given the cold shoulder by many who have tried it in the past. In fact, we were asked to hold some of these events for a health club in Cambridge. The problem is again that no one vets anyone taking part as they just pay in advance and arrive. You wouldn’t believe the standard of some of the men particularly. Dire to say the least! The girls on the whole all looked great, but the men seemed to be of the ’seedier’ type with one or two exceptions only. We decided as a reputable Personal Introduction Service that we just couldn’t risk our own reputation any more by continuing to hold these events so we’ve avoided these.
It does seem that more and more people, particularly over the age of 30, are turning to what could be called the ‘old fashioned’ type of service known many years ago as a Marriage Bureau, but are now are known as personal introduction services, like Tempting Fate. We personally interview all prospective members first and will only take new members on if they fit our criteria.
We find it hard to help smokers anymore and probably have 98% of non-smoking members. We also find it very difficult if people are obese as neither the males or females want to meet these and the men particularly always want slim, attractive whilst the females want kind and honest. Call it shallow of the male population, but it’s a reality I’m afraid. We also ask for a copy of their driving licence, passport and utility bill, as well as signing our conditions of membership. With all the care we take, and by interviewing someone for at least an hour, all members can be assured that ours is the safest way of meeting new, quality singles.
We match people as far as possible to their age group, background, interests etc so any of our introductions could be that special person. However, we all know that there has to be that indescribable thing called ‘chemistry’ or attraction or whatever it is that tells you that you quite like the person you’ve just met. But again be warned. If you’re looking for instant chemistry and that wonderful elated feeling that maybe you may have felt in your teens - forget it - it just doesn’t happen or rarely, on the first date. You have to establish a friendship first and many of my most successful matches weren’t even very keen on each other at first, but over time, really got to like them.
So stick to safe ways only and reputable agencies and start to expand your horizons. So we do the tempting and the rest is up to fate!