My paternal grandparents died within a month of each other 
when they were in their 80s. I don’t know if the second one died of a broken heart because from memory they always appeared very stern and aloof. But my grandmother certainly lost the will to continue living after my grandfather died, she had lost her lifetime partner.
Recent research has concluded how a surviving partner can die from a broken heart, with the man being most severely affected.
My mother married my father when she was 16 and still misses him desperately following his death five-and-a-half years ago after a long, happy and fun marriage. I tell her she is now paying the price for her happy marriage. They were always tactile, and there is such a huge gap left in her life.
I worry about her and I’m afraid to say she doesn’t look after herself as well as she should, her fridge is often empty and I know she feels lonely and would like me to spend more time with her. But thankfully she hasn’t given up on dressing beautifully and caring for her skin which is still silky smooth and totally free of wrinkles. I’m lucky to have inherited her genes.
She always used to say that if she died first, dad wouldn’t be able to cope without her, that he would remarry with indecent haste just so someone could care for him.
The research discovered that men fare much worse after losing a loved one, that they are up to six times more likely to die from a broken heart than women who have been bereaved within the first 12 months. Women are up to twice as likely to die in the year following a partner’s death.
I find this so sad, the fact that their love is like an empty vessel and they do not have the strength to continue and pour that love into another direction where it will be appreciated, that their precious memories and the support of their family do not sustain them during those darkest days.
Heart experts say people who lose a loved one often adopt unhealthy habits such as smoking and a poor diet. Drinking too much too, I imagine. However, it is thought that intense loneliness and the psychological distress caused by their loss could play a large part in them simply giving up and losing the will to continue.
My very cynical mother likes to tell me about scheming women who read the obit pages in the local press to search out recently bereaved men they know of so they can ply them with sympathy and homemade apple pie, that this is a sure way of finding a new husband!
The good news from the research paper is that after the first year of mourning, the chances of a bereaved partner dying decreases, demonstrating that people can recover from losing their loved one.
Especially if there is apple pie with tea and sympathy on offer….
If one truly loves the person they were with, the loss will be heavy and affect them greatly mentally and physically.
“with the man being most severely affected”? – A man needs a maid
Pip, and what does a woman need? A perfect Neil Young song, many thanks.
Hmm, I’ve just read this to Keith, my partner – he was not impressed! 😉
And does the sight of an elderly man in a supermarket buying food that is obviously for one distress you? It does me. Women seem so much more able to cope, I suppose because they’re used to it, but I still find it a very sad sight.
We all thought my mother-in-law would be at a total loss when her husband died when she was 73. She showered devotion on him and adored him. But she was a tougher cookie than we thought and lived to 104, just a month shy of 105.
I think women do much better as widows than men do as widowers and so many men do marry again rather quickly.
Oh yes, Ellee, there are many instances of this. We knew a couple quite near to us, an elderly couple and it even made sense for him to go not soon after.
We didn’t think my Dad would live more than a year after my mother died, but he lasted 5 years. But he was a lonely man, missing her terribly and “talked” to her daily.
I didn’t think I’d make it after my husband died but I had to think of my children, so every day just put one foot in front of the other. Eventually, I decided it’d be okay for me to live and to even be happy. But I still say that happiness isn’t real unless it’s shared, so I hope to meet someone nice some day and marry again. Time will tell.
I can always tell the older men that are on their own, when they buy fish they always ask me how they should cook it and what they should have with it….
Liz – “does the sight of an elderly man in a supermarket buying food that is obviously for one distress you?”
No, not more than the very pale, unkempt abandoned mother trying desperately to unload, pack and control two loud scattering children and ultimately having to put something back as she hasn’t the money. No. For all we know the man has been happily married for 50 years before losing his wife and is so glad to have dinner on his own rather than his daughters fussing round him.
Yes it does always seem to be the men that need to remarry or at least get a new partner.
Broken heart? As far as I am aware, the heart has no other function other than to pump blood through the circulatory system. Humbug, I say!
Maalie, humbug to you too! 😉 Scientifically you may be correct, but life doesn’t always work as the text books say.
As I understand it, bereavement depresses the immune system and that is why people seem to die “of a broken heart”. It is very, very hard to pick up the pieces and move on. Your mother is very lucky to have YOU, Ellee.
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